Fear. What is fear? Fear could be losing your mom in the crowd, it could be the prospect of losing a full ride scholarship or being fired from your job. It could be dropping your phone or missing the last bus.
Fear can also be walking alone at night, clutching your keys in between your fingers, your finger placed over the call button ready to press it at the slightest chance of danger. Fear can also be a mother deciding whether or not it’s safe for her daughter to leave the house, fear can be a father worrying whether that boy will take advantage of his little girl because he knows how men can be. Fear can be your friends worrying after not hearing from you when they know you were out late with a boy.
Fear is a feeling ingrained in every girl from the moment she can comprehend. ‘Stranger danger’, “Don’t talk to boys you don’t know.” “Be careful with the boys you do know.” “Keep your head down, don’t retaliate.” Are all lines we’ve heard growing up.
Fear is what I feel when I walk in the dark alone, fear is what I feel when a man stares at me for a little too long. Fear is what I feel when I get cat called, when boys make disgusting comments as I pass by and what’s worse? This is a feeling for every girl. No matter how you look, who you are, where you’re from or how much you make if you are a women you know this feeling of fear.
You can ask any girl you’ve met and at least once in her life she has felt that fear crawl up behind her and grab her by the throat threatening to choke her and immobilize her.
If your shirt is a little tight and you walk into a place filled with men suddenly you are hyper aware of your breathing, you are aware of every heave made and the movement of your chest. You feel guilty, you feel afraid and all that for breathing. All this fear for simply breathing.
Why am I afraid to wear a skirt that’s a little too short? What am I afraid of wearing an off shoulder top? Why should my mother worry that if too much of my skin is exposed someone will consider that an invitation.
How dare you take away my right to feel safe? How dare you take away my right to walk in the streets? How dare you take away my right to trust? How dare you take away my right to BREATH?
How dare you make me feel like my body is yours.
It’s strange isn’t it? The feeling of love, it is like both, the medicine and also the illness. It is the solution and question, it is the one feeling that ties the world together and breaks it up. It is the feeling that keeps me loyal to my friends, it is the feeling that keeps me respectful to my teachers and parents. It is the feeling that keeps us from inflicting pain but it doesn’t stop us from feeling pain. I don’t believe that love is painless; I believe that love is maybe the most painful feeling. Without love why would you cry over losing someone, without love why would you feel jealousy?
Love is like fire, it’s entrancing to watch, it’s beautiful and powerful but let it get out of hand. Stop paying attention to it and it will burn everything and on the other hand if you let the flame fizzle out then it is dead and the beauty and uniqueness of that flame is gone.
Romantic love is one that is unknown to me but also so familiar. The feeling of love is like a distant memory or a fading dream. The feeling is like one that is tied to the most sensitive part of me using the most frail of strings. It is a feeling I have never experienced but somehow I know it, somehow I feel my mind get light and I smile for no possible reason. Somewhere in my mind I feel love, not strong enough for me to grab onto and preserve but it is present. It is present like the first notes of a song or the fist syllables of a poem.
-It is there just enough to make my heart hurt and to make my mind wait.
“Even though a blade or a cut isn’t an answer, it is an escape.
The only problem is that this escape leads me to pain and I don’t want pain right now.
I want to be numb, to kind of forget and to just be.
I don’t want to live for a while, I just want to be.”
-i simply don’t want to think for a while as thinking means living and living means pain.
“Yes I think I’m in love with the idea of love,
I think I’m in love with having someone to hold,
someone to write love for,
someone to spoil and adore,
I think I’m in love with what love is”
-and maybe someday i’ll find to love as much as I love the idea of love
” “Hey little girl where are you going?”
asked her mother.
“Hey little girl what are you doing?”
asked her father.
“Hey little girl who do you think you are?”
“I’m going on my journey.”
she said to her mother.
“I’m going to find my own way.”
she said to her father.
“I am one amongst many.”
“I am a bird flying against the wind.”
“I am an inferno that will burn through you.”
“I am a force you cannot control.”
she warned society.
“Be careful little girl.”
advised her mother.
“Watch your feet little girl.”
advised her father.
“You will never reach there.”
“You can’t stop me.”
she said, her voice still strong.
“I will do it.”
her voice now quivering.
“Please let me do it.”
her voice now small.
“Why can’t I do it?”
her voice now afraid.
“Take my hand little girl, we’ll do it together.” ”
“I don’t believe in good behavior.
I believe in knowing the difference between right and wrong.
I believe in mutual respect for all people.
I don’t believe in excessive restrictions and ropes that ties one down.
I believe in wings and flight and freedom.”
-so ya go ahead and give me my zero for conduct
“Photographs are a symbol of forever,
People change and memories fade but a photo is forever.
As long as it is intact,
That moment in time,
The feeling experienced only then,
It’s all captured forever in the photograph.
Maybe the person has gone and the place has been torn down,
The photograph remains and in it remains that day.”