My work

Pretty

“Suck in that gut, pluck your eyebrows, keep your lips plump.

Cut your hair… just a little

NO.

Not so much,

you have to be pretty.

Pierce your ears once and don’t ever touch your face again.

Remember to keep all hair off of your body.

DIET DIET DIET,

STOP.

You’re too skinny.

You need to be pretty.

Take off those shoes, where is your dress?

You are a lady put on that dress.

NO.

It’s too short,

are you a whore?

You need to be pretty.

Pretty.

Pretty.

You need to be PRETTY!

STOP.

SHUT UP.

GET OUT.

My body is fine,

my hair is mine to grow and mine to cut,

my weight is mine to control I am FINE.

Leave me alone.

Let me choose what I want to wear

I WILL CHOOSE what I want to wear.

I am not a whore,

I am not what you say I am,

I am pretty because I said I am pretty.”

-kay

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Society with the capital S

“Boys don’t cry

Boys will be boys

Man up…

Why don’t boys cry?

is there a defect in their tear glands?

or where they born with the inability to do so?

or maybe

now hear me out this is just a guess,

maybe it’s because society said

to cry is to be weak.

When they joked about my weight and you said they were “being boys”

When they called me a slut and you said they were “being boys”

Where you saying that being a boy is the same as being a harasser?

Are you perhaps saying that boys have the inability to listen and to understand?

Are you perhaps stripping boys of their humanity?

Why do they have to Man up?

Why can’t he cry over the lost football match?

Why can’t he hug his mother and tell her his problems?

Why does a boy have to ignore how he feels?

Is it because you,

Society,

you think that to be vulnerable,

to be sensitive,

to show emotion is to be weak?

Why Society with the capital S do you tear our boys down?

Why do you tell them that they have to be stoic and cold?

Why do you tell them that they can’t be empathetic?

Why don’t you let them cry?

Why Society with the capital S do you tell our boys to look down on us?

Why do you separate us?

Why do you poison them with your toxic masculinity and your inability to let them cry.

Why Society with the capital S won’t you let our boys grow up to become kind,

to become sincere,

to become respectful

to become the best they can be?

Why Society with the capital S won’t you let our boys cry?”

-kay

Words

“Words are dangerous, you know?
Words can drive a person mad.
You can hear them following you around in broad daylight.
You can hear them when you pass by your parents room at night.

Words can ruin you.

“she deserved it”
“he’s doing it for attention.”
“she’s a freak”
“he needs to toughen up”

Words you say, its all just words.
Ignore them, shut them out.

They’re just words…

Words pushed a girl, I once knew to starve herself until nothing was left.
Words landed the boy, I grew up with in a psych ward.
Words are what made that girl, I was friends with kill herself.

But they’re still just words…

The words you said are ingrained in my brain.
The words that left your mouth
We’ve clawed at them, we’ve tried to cut your words out.

But they echo every night
Every time my defenses drop
Every time I can’t get the voices to stop.
Your words remind me of everything you convinced me, I am not.

But they’re just words is what You said.

Your fists against my skin might bruise me,
your hands on my body may hurt me,
but your words…
Your words in my brain over and over and over again.
Its what will scar me
Your words are what will finally destroy me.

ugly;
weak;
pathetic;
stupid;
disgusting;
too fat;
too thin;
too much of this;
and too much of that.

Your words are too much

Your words are killing

Your words are taking lives day by day.
Stripping innocent people of their confidence,
of their self assurance,
of their self love.

Your words are ruining them… ruining me.

But to you, they’re still just words…”

-kay

“shut up,

please shut up,

there’s only so much a person can take,

there’s only so much a child can take,

i know a lot,

i act a lot,

i pretend a lot,

i’m still a fucking child.

I’m begging please stop,

stop yelling,

stop asking,

stop talking.

please stop and let me breathe,

i can’t breathe,

i can’t talk,

i can’t eat.

i can’t breathe you’re too much,

your words are too much,

your actions are too much.

please just stop.”

-kay

“tick tock goes the clock
she’s sitting on the bathroom floor,
vomit staining her sweater,
and tears cluttered in her eyes.

tick tock goes the clock
he’s holding the bottle in his hand again,
everything fades to black again
and he drops into his own lullaby.

tick tock goes the clock
there’s makeup covering her bruises,
but he said he loves her,
and she goes back to broken bones.

tick tock goes the clock
he’s pushed up against the locker again,
those same words again and again,
and he thinks maybe they’re right.

tick tock goes the clock
she’s drowning,
she can’t breathe,
and they just keep on screaming outside.

tick tock goes the clock
tick tock
tick tock
it keeps ticking
never stopping
never waiting

and they start counting until it stops.”

-kay

” “i’ll always be here for you”
“you make me feel better”
“if its not with you i don’t want to see it”

you fucked up,
you lost what good you had,
you made me so angry i had to speak,
I’m not one to let my anger flow,
i’m not one to let my emotions show

but you,

 

you made my blood boil,
you used me up and left me to die,
you made me want rip through these papers with a knife,
nothing i’ve written you makes sense anymore,
nothing you said to me seems to be true.

 

i laugh

 

I laugh when i see the things we said,
i laugh but there’s no humour in it,
there’s no happiness and joy,
it’s bittersweet to know what you did.

 

one day

 

maybe one day you will realise,
maybe one day you will think back and realise,
how good you had it,
one day you’ll know how fucking good i was.”

-kay

“In a perfect world everything would be clear when i put my glasses on
in a perfect world i could find my answers by opening a book
in a perfect world everything could be solved with words
in a perfect world i would know whats happening

but this isn’t a perfect world is it?

in this world nothing is clear ever,
i understand nothing.
in this world i’ve searched for years and yet i’m still looking,
i guess i’m not supposed to find them.
in this world my words aren’t enough,
i can’t seem to find the right ones.
in this world i am always lost,
i don’t know where to go anymore.”

-kay